Cloudy skies gathered over Twineham as the TWCC touring squad gathered after lunch, later than is normal, for their tour.  Bad news greeted us as we attempted to pile 10 sets of cricket bags, golf clubs and cases into two unhappy cars.  The 20/20 match vs Monmouth that evening was already off.  It was a shame:  it sounded like a fine ground and there was even talk that they had an overseas player ready to break our is.  But tour organiser Steve Rogers had already moved swiftly to address the disappointment:  he’d booked go karting in Bristol for late afternoon.  So with vigour renewed we set off for what should have been a straightforward journey westwards.  Unfortunately between `the south east` and `the west` is the M25:  and as we stood parked on it, it became clear we weren’t going to make our Grand Prix start time.  But Steve put it back to give us an extra hour, which in the event we needed.  Richard’s car made it quite comfortably, but Tony went overland and arrived with one minute to spare.  But what fun followed!  

Phil a late arrival at the pyjama party

We were all dressed up in racing overalls and helmets:  and as we took to our 160cc machines for 15 minutes of speed laps, the excitement factor was brilliant.  As confidence grew, we started throwing the karts in and out of the corner, with Mikey regularly being black flagged for rule contravention.  Honse was clearly the master of the kart and it was he who was on pole position for the 15 minute grand prix.  After an hour’s wait, the grand prix roared off.

Dave Rogers black-flagged. How cool is that?!?

An early pile-up put paid to Honse and Richard’s hopes, and Mikey continued his succession of black flags:  The experienced Dave Rogers proved impassable, many tussles were fought and various smaller pile ups eventually allowed Joe to power to victory and was he who stood on the podium later to accept his trophy.

No coincidence it's the youngsters taking the laurels...

We departed for Wales (the long way via the wrong bridge) with both drivers occasionally forgetting they were now on a motorway and not still the racetrack – and made it to Monmouth, a pleasant town with our hotel very central.  There may have been no one on reception to greet us, but attached to the hotel was a large pub, which it turns out was `the` place to be seen in Monmouth.  Thus just minutes after checking in, we were heading that way (apart from the lads who were primping and one in particular who was checking on his fake tan).   It was in the bar that we met up with Steve Taylor and his son James, both affiliated TWCC-ites for the weekend.  Barely a couple of pints had passed our lips before we went in search of curry and feasted in an `out of the way, over the bridge` curry house which served fine food and excellent beer.   We returned content to the same pub.   

The evenings of course bring our boys out to play.  While the older club members (Gracious Intelligent Talented Sportsmen) happily stood supping on the remarkably cheap pints of real ale (£1.65) the youngsters grabbed their lager and launched into the ever filling pub like sharks in a tuna net.  They swam in and out of the shapely specimens eyes agog, before choosing one and pouncing.  Mikey’s desire for a rather quick meal proved his downfall whilst Joe, battling on in spite of the ogling of the old gits, was finally defeated when the call of `taxi` beckoned his young lady away.  Matt and Honse tried their luck but time eventually ran out and the human contents of the pub were expelled en masse into the street outside.  Suddenly, Joe was in his element.  Within seconds he fell in with, then proceeded to lead, a gang of local football fans and succeeded in launching into a series of football type chants with fake tans as their theme and the hapless Mikey as their target.  He followed this up by twirling one young lady(?) around the street upside down on his shoulder.  His coup de grace was delivered a few minutes later out of his bedroom window, but we’ll leave that there!  Thus did the evening draw to a close, save for a curious late night incident when Mikey and Joe were awakened for their drunken slumber by the hotel manager insisting they weren’t actually booked in.  For once, Mikey’s terse response was more than justified.

The following morning we were up early for golf and what a beautiful course.  Monmouth Golf Club was as pretty on the eye as the waitress who served us afterwards, though not quite as flirtatiously self aware.  Jim beat everyone in mostly warm and pleasant weather, Joe second and Richard third.  We drove from there to Chepstow to check in at our next hotel on our two centre tour – and straight from there to Tintern’s smallest and most expensive brewery.  Now for the record, TWCC tours have a healthy tradition of supporting local brewers and pubs, frequently with unrestrained bon viveur.  This was arranged as a brewery tour, a tasting session of the beers and a hearty meal.  The `tour` turned out to be a Q and A session between a rampantly enthusiastic Jim and an overwhelmed young man in wellies, in a shed with no beer. The free tasting passed most by with the brewers seemingly happier to sell their brews to us instead.  And the meal was a plate of stew and mash served from the family pot.  It’s fair to say that the children of the brewers` family enjoyed it more than a number of tourists, and they didn’t have to pay £12.50 for it! 

Back at Chepstow some napped in bed, some napped at the bookies courtesy of Joe’s 11/2 tip but all met in the hotel bar in the early evening.  Chepstow was clearly the place to be:  each pub had an average of 5 doormen and even the entrance to a shop advertising `Cream Teas` had a squad of 3 doormen!  The photo would have been priceless, save perhaps the price of a `bouncered` camera.  We made it past the age checks into a pub alive with music, colour and probably Wales`s widest selection incredibly ugly women.  Even cheap beer did nothing to accentuate the scenery as with each swish of the door came tumbling in another selection of ageing Welsh fun-seekers, dressed as lambs but with faces resembling rear end joints of mutton.  More extraordinary were the gents where two enterprising black guys had set up shop selling a quick spray of aftershave for £1.  Surely none of our group would fall for that, would they Matt?  The pub proved schismatic – the old gits headed back to the hotel for poker, leaving the young guns and Phil to the mercy of the ugly sisters (and their cousins, nieces, mothers, many overlapping).  Jim decided to watch the poker but not to play – but caught the bug and so it was that at 1am, t`was he who battered Honse to scoop the jackpot.  By this time of course, the boys were already shaking their stuff in Aura, Chepstow’s finest (and only) nightclub.  Mikey got knocked back by not one but 5 girls and his petulant response to ban them all from every nightclub in Brighton – because he has the power  - made for interesting conversation the following morning.  Matt’s `Sussex cricketer on tour` approach (circa 2010) drew interest but nothing more.  But Joe `pulled`.  When this was trumpeted at breakfast, the conversation could find no consensus on what `pulled` means.  Various definitions were suggested, as regular tourists will be able to imagine, and there was general agreement that even with the most generous terms available, Joe had probably not `pulled`!

A quiet morning of tennis or coffee or hangover followed and by midday we were heading for Tintern to at last enjoy some cricket. 

Tinterntastic

                                        Tintern Tour Team Twelve
Standing, left to right: Phil Steinke, James Taylor, Richard Brock, Mikey Pearce, 
Tony Pearce, Dave Rogers, Matt Steinke, Joe Panther, Steve Taylor.
Grounded: Jim Simon, Honse Karvay, Steve Rogers.

The sun shone, Tintern’s ancient abbey pulled in the visitors and we had a pre-match pint at the Anchor, where they still remember Edward’s six that cleared the roof  (actually Edward, no they don’t, especially since you let us down late on this tour!).
So to cricket:  TWCC went into the match unbeaten this season, and so it turns out did Tintern.  The teams, it is fair to say, whilst both heading in the same direction, plot different routes to reach their destination.  Tintern’s is a more happy go lucky, devil may care approach, TWCC’s is more careful and cautious.  Richard lost the toss and was asked to bowl in a 12 a side match, our numbers boosted by Steve and James Taylor.
With Matt and Jim opening, what looked a dodgy pitch soon proved to be so. It is used as a football pitch in the winter and understandably therefore, the cricket pitch (which doubles as the centre spot) was of variable bounce. Jim’s first wicket was an LBW, a good early strike: but the next pair piled on the runs with heavy-handed batting, sending the balls to the boundaries. But Jim stuck to his line and got another LBW on 40, and with a run out at the same score, we seemed on course to limit their scoring flurry. Unfortunately they were all of the same mind: score lots of runs quickly and brutally. And whilst Matt eventually got an LBW after catches were, as usual, dropped from his bowling, it was Phil  who quelled their run rate with an excellent spell conceding just 19 runs and picking up a wicket. James Taylor picked up two caught and bowled wickets, though also took a bit of a pasting by his team mates eager to show him what they could do to his bowling. Steve Taylor, who dropped a towering catch to the delight of those same team mates, picked 2 wickets – including that of his other son Jonathan, who had batted steadily and sensibly for 27. Finally the final wicket fell with just 32 overs bowled but a challenging score posted of 157. We knew we were missing top batsmen and we would all have to bat well and have luck from the pitch. And it all started out rather well: Mikey and Steve started very slowly but steadily and reached 37 before Mikey’s stylish looking knock ended on 20. Tony also started slowly, but then seemed to climb the summit with four 4s in a row. Regrettably, that was almost that: two more scoring strokes and he went pulling for another boundary. On 72-2, it looked good – but a glance down the batting line up gave cause for concern. And that was doubly so when Steve was bowled for 25 and we were 92-3 with Richard and Matt in. Now with due credit to both of them: they are no-one’s first choice as match winning batsmen. And frankly that’s how it panned out: but not courtesy of muscular fast bowling. No, what did for us was the gentle, very gentle left arm slow bowling of one O Ellis. He took 6 wickets with our batsmen all believing they could get him away. Batsmen fell by the wayside rapidly, only James Taylor putting up resistance and for a time, had us believing that we could win. But a questionable umpiring decision by Richard sent him back to the pavilion, with him insisting the ball had hit no part of his glove or bat so couldn’t be given a catch. Steve Taylor’s response to the baying fielders as he took to the field was: a golden duck. And when Honse was run out for our fourth nought, we were done on 128. Soundly beaten by a strong group of players who took the game to us from the outset.

Scorecard
Tintern won the toss and chose to bat.
Tintern Innings: O Ellis    LBW J Simon 1; D Havells run out 13; G Reynolds LBW J Simon 24; S Hayward LBW M Steinke    18; S Williams Bld J Simon 12; D Reynolds Ct and Bld J Taylor 31; P Seabury Ct and Bld J Taylor    12; Jn Taylor Ct??? Bld S Taylor 27; I Ellis Ct J Simon Bld H Karvay 0; M Evans Ct S Taylor Bld P Steinke 7; S Jennings Bld S Taylor 1; H Ellis not out 2. TOTAL 157 all out.
Fall: 6, 40, 40, 52, 82, 109, 116, 127, 150, 154.
TWCC Bowling: M Steinke; 8-0-48-1; J Simon 7-0-32-3; P Steinke 8-1-19-1; J Taylor 3-0-22-2; H Karvay 3-0-20-1; S Taylor 2-0-20-2; M Pearce 1-0-2-0.
TWCC Innings: S Rogers Bld O Ellis 25; M Pearce    Ct and Bld G Reynolds 20; T Pearce Ct P Seabury Bld C Jennings 25; R Brock Bld C Jennings 6; M Steinke     Bld O Ellis 0; J Panther Bld C Jennings    0; J Taylor Ct,  Bld O Ellis 22; J Simon Bld O Ellis 1; D Rogers Bld O Ellis 2; S Taylor Bld O Ellis 0; H Karvay run out 0; P Steinke not out 2.TOTAL 128 all out
Tintern Bowling: I Ellis 8-1-27-0; S Williams 8-0-18-0; G Reynolds 6-0-29-0; C Jennings 8-0-22-3; O Ellis 8-1-11-6; H Ellis 2-0-16-0. 
Tintern won by 29 runs.